Wacky Health Theories Based On ‘Science’

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Sick people will try anything to feel better and science has triumphed by delivering treatments that have actually eradicated deadly diseases. Then there are these wacky treatments, which claim scientific foundations as their basis. As it turns out, they’re no better than the Snake Oil medicines of a century ago – all of which mostly turned out to be whiskey mixed with ‘elixirs’ – which usually did more harm than good. Oh well, at least some teetotalers had one good drunk on before they kicked…
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Ionized Bracelets

The idea is that magnetized bracelets radiate a “field” which heals internally. What actually happens is they end up getting stuck in trouser flys just as you’re taking a quick whiz before accepting a Nobel Prize…
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Natural Hygiene

Another “Caveman” theory, this therapy relies on using nothing but water to cleanse the body of toxins and avoiding any man made products. So, if you want to smell like a caveman…
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Detoxifying Foot Pads

Using these footpads on the soles of bare feet while walking around removes toxins from the body. The proof is how dirty they get. Kinda like white socks…
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Ionithermie

Wrapping red hot seaweed around the thighs causes a slimming effect. Duh. So does a nice hot bath. Remember, “I was in the pool!”
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Bowel Cleansing

Pills that supposedly clean out the bowels reduce those mysterious “toxins” that are causing many illnesses. So does a good dump…
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Herbal Womb Detox Pearls

Inserting these “pearls” into the womb and letting them dissolve supposedly promotes better health. Until you experience Toxic Shock Syndrome, a real threat to life…
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Heat Cupping Therapy

Cupping heat around painful areas of the body relieves discomfort. Duh. It used to be called Ben-Gay…
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Aromatherapy

This theory goes that reducing plants and fragrant fruits to an oil, and then ‘sniffing’ them, infuses the patient with nutrients conducive to healing. All that really happens is the room smells better and the wallet gets thinner…
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Juice Fasting

Basically. it’s a Smoothie diet. Which causes you to stay close to a bathroom. It’s great for fitting into that bridal party dress or tux, but, every now and then you need a good steak…
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Psychic Surgery

This is nothing more than commanding the body to heal itself solely with positive thoughts. Surprisingly, this one works. On hypochondriacs…
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Salt Caves

Sitting in a “Salt Cave” quietly for hours supposedly relieves stress. Especially for cash-strapped Salt Cave owners charging $100 an hour…
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Sun Gazing

This one’s big in China right now, but is gaining popularity in the West. The idea is that we need nothing but the Sun for nourishment and, so far, some practitioners have come close to starving to death before getting proper medical treatment. So that’s why Chinese women are usually so thin. And tan…
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